Bachelor #12 – Row, row, row your boat far, far away from me

The ad for last night’s episode promised ‘the biggest reveal of the season’ so naturally I expected to see Blake perform a Magic Mike routine. We all know his ‘side business’, after all.

This did not happen.

The big reveal was he bumped into Jess in a hallway and hugged her. Even more anti-climactic than the Sex & the City sequel film. 

  • Group date was on a yacht. Rachel looked like a stunned mullet the whole show so it was no surprise she got the chop! Blake rocked a bowler hat. Probably because he wanted to look “dorky” for Sam – seeing it does not match his past hat tastes which I stumbled upon:

B

#awkward

  • Jess aka Bambi the unicorn got whisked away on a steam train. Was anyone else hoping it would take them to Hogwarts? What are the chances of the one time you are sharing a private pash on the rear balcony of a train and there just happens to be a camera crew set up in a tree on the hill above at the exact moment your train goes past – dumb luck I know. They continued to explore alternative forms of transportation via a rowboat at sunset. There was just so much cheese on this date they didn’t need a platter with their wine. If you hear an odd noise, it’s just me being physically ill remembering it all the odd endless forehead touching mating rituals these 2 engage in. 
  • Mary one of the 834 ‘actresses’ in the house also ended up on the cutting room floor. 

With 8 ladies left, and because it’s a Friday, time to review the form guide!

  • Bogan Sam – 3:1 honestly she just looks like she was transplanted straight from Schoolies
  • Jess – 5:1 – he’ll dump her right at the end cos that’s what Bachelor’s do to the nice girl
  • Lisa – 7:1 – all class so far, could get gigs as a Kate Middleton double if things don’t work out
  • Laurina – 8:1 – bowling clown shoes would go well with his latest hat
  • Louise – 10:1 – last year proved red lips are a winner
  • Zoe – 15:1 – so much curl so little time
  • Chantal – 20:1 – Friend Zone.
  • Lauren – how is she even still there?

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