After 2 months, 1 sweepstake and many #dirtystreetpie references, it all comes down to tonight!
vs 
Let’s recap the last couple of weeks:
- There was a reunion show with all the losers… sorry just the ones that didn’t get roses. No cat fights or #dirtystreetpie throwing, the only interesting moment was Amber claiming Aussie men love her – HAHA almost as believable as that fake beach ala ‘Vanuatu’
- Hometown dates! After leading us to believe all season that Bambi Jess had found her Prince Charming, the editors proved this ain’t no Disney ending. Both declared they weren’t really that into each other in any serious way – they were just in it for a forehead fling. All that slow blinking was clearly only caused by something in his eye, which he tried to get out when talking to Laurina – and we all know how well THAT ended.
Last night the final 3 flew to picturesque Cape Town.
- Date #1 – Blake decided the only way to make Sam admit she loved him was to dump her in a cage in the ocean with great white sharks until she came to her senses. After swallowing a lot of water she managed to eloquently take 10mins to spit out a sentence that loosely went – she very had to tell him that she loved him very much so. In true Bachelor style, he gets to smugly not reply.
- Date #2 – Luscious Louise swapped red lips for red wine with a trip to the winery region. The view was stunning, so naturally they arranged their seating to completely face away from it. A group of local singers surprise serenaded them, prompting Louise to burst into tears, as clearly she thought the platter in front of her was plenty enough CHEESE as is and after 2mths she was fast becoming dairy intolerant. Blake racks up “I love you” #2.
- Date #3 – Lisa and Blake visited a lovely local school before taking a helicopter ride – which clearly had a lot of fuel as they landed at… the 12 Apostles?! (Did anyone else have to consult geography books to puzzle that out haha?! Who knew there were 2 OF THEM!). Lisa declared Blake was the last guy she wanted to bring home… (literally?). Classily she refrains from giving Blake the “I love you” trifecta – this girl is a winner!!
- Louise was gracious in defeat, with only the comfort of her consolation cheese platter and more tinsel and candelabras than you could shake a rose bush at (clearly they brought the Spotlight decorating crew with them).
TONIGHT – A PROPOSAL! GIRAFFES! HOT AIR BALLOONS! Have some wine ready to go with all that CHEESE!!!!!
I’m still tipping #teamlisa!!!
Charisse Nicolle 