Bachelor S3 #2 – Someone please put Sandra in a corner

And we’re baaaaaaaack!

Firstly, who ARE all these chicks and were any of them even AT the cocktail party last night?!! I feel like Trinny and Susannah clearly did the makeovers yesterday.

Laura mentions anal glands again – I don’t care if Dr Chris Brown did actual tweet about her last night – MAKE HER STOP.

Sandra reveals if she doesn’t get a one on one date she may literally GO crazy. Clearly doesn’t realise she is ALREADY THERE!

Early fave Sarah gets to go sailing with Sam. Hang on, was Sam this ocker sounding last night?!! Did the tux muffle the twang?! I almost miss Blake’s bear baritone – until I remember he was a douche and I actually find Sam quite endearing.

The boat is called Ragamuffin – draw your own conclusions.

Madeleine thinks sailboats “chugg off”, has never seen Bond and doesn’t know how to drape. I sense it could be curtains for her (BOOM :P).

Judging by the massively over the top send-off the girls all give Sarah, one would think she’s off to discover and map continents in the New World instead of just a bit of a splash around Sydney Harbour… Sarah thinks Sam inflated the beanbag when she wasn’t looking. Does she not see the producers standing behind the massive camera? Then just like Susan Boyle, she tells us she Dreamed a Dream.

Power Hair (Joni?) reads out the long list of names of those in the harem going on the group date, which is handy given they are all unrecognisable today. Their excitement at being let out of the house is offset by finding out they are on day release with Sandra.

Photo shoot time! Sandra clearly off the meds. Sam arrives, forgot to put socks on as he took so long doing his perfect Ken doll hair.

On the Gatsby shoot Sam suddenly morphs into Christian Grey with all the swinging his croquet mallet around and “posing” with Heather… Sandra is still 50 Shades of crazy, btw I wasn’t aware Amy Winehouse had ever starred in Dirty Dancing?!!

The pottery scene – I instantly became lactose intolerant from all the CHEESE.

Cocktail party time! Rachel proves she’s handy with the ol’ Janome as she’s clearly whipped up her ‘jumpsuit’ from a tablecloth she found lying around the house. Jacinda, bless her cotton socks, has a genuine meltdown and Sam shows his sweet side, then is suddenly distracted that Heather appears to have forgotten to put the bottom half of her outfit on?!

Krystal the pirate wench is eliminated, as is freaky eyes Reshael and, sadly, Bob the Builder.

Until next time peeps!!

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