Bachelor S3 Ep#5 – Pass the Berocca, it’s time for some b-b-b-bounce!

So much awkwardness to cover in so little time but here is last night’s play by play:

Shock Exhibit A: Shut the front gate – Sarah and Rachel are 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

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Last night we discovered that Rachel has not left the house since the opening night. This is probably because Sam has never realised she is not in fact just Sarah in another dress! I ask you, have we ever seen them in the same room together?! Rachel’s Bachelor experience so far reads like a bad version of Big Brother – 0 contact with the outside world and her only friends are balloon animals (yes, she was THAT girl). Now she is suddenly talking to camera = she’ll be bottom 2 for sure!

Moment #2 – Breaking the world record for The Most Awkward 4mins on TV aka – Longest ever onscreen Pash

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Pass the platter of CHEESE – yes, they actually decided to break the Guinness World record for longest on-air kiss – a classy record formerly held by the USA version of the show. Note, they could have held this moment anywhere, but apparently we had to simultaneously prove to the world we are also good at building coathanger shaped bridges. You had time to go pour some vino to go with all that cheese – trust me, some amongst you tested this theory. You know who you are.

Nothing says romance like Andrew G standing 2m away from you yelling KEEP THOSE LIPS TOGETHER like an Olympic track coach. Nina the lucky girl declared that during the kiss she kept feeling his… abs. Make of that what you will but afterwards Sam declared Their Dynamic Has Changed. He tells us it reminds him of his Blue Light Disco school days – sounds to me like they are a bit more Red Light Disco down in Tassie. They finish the date in a room where Dusk has clearly recently held their national candles conference.

Back at the compound – Sandra banshee screams that she is still waiting for her alone time with Sam – not yet realising that the concept of being along anywhere with her terrifies him.

Moment #3 – Finally, The Hunger Games began in earnest with Bubble Soccer:

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The nice girls lost, which meant Sam had to endure a Mexican themed boat ride with Sandra.  Jasmin was on like Donkey Kong with the pinata, cos just like the Biz Imp Xmas BBQ hit that pinata a bit too hard – ie. overboard. In a case of art imitating life, Bec was left in Limbo just like when Sam spent the week denying they’d ever met *cough* pashed in Bali –

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The producers realised that perhaps =  Sandra is actually on the run from the asylum and decided for the safety of all on board to finally let Sam boot her off. Whilst Emily found out Sam is looking for sparks. Bodes well for the Dusk product placement 😛

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#BODYLANGUAGE

Tonight – more drama as someone leaves the harem OF THEIR OWN FREE WILL!!!


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