Bachelerotte S1 Ep#1 – Feathers will fly

That’s right, it’s out with the autumnal Wood as Winter is Coming – a Frost has set in and her name is Sam!!

2.1

Personally I started off dubious if this format would actually work, but then one guy brought his own owl and now I’m sold.

Osher appears genuinely excited to finally have some bros around the house. (BTW, if you were playing some kind of ‘Bachelorette drinking game’ last night based on the word ‘bro’, you would have passed out before the first ad break).

Firstly, we need to all take a moment to appreciate Spotlight diversifying into hipster man décor, along the lines of the Cluedo mansion meets Miami Vice wallpaper.  http://tenplay.com.au/channel-ten/the-bachelorette/extra/season-1/tour-the-bachelors-mansion-with-osher

Here is a montage of highlights:

Animal skeleton fireplace

a

A golden horse’s head The Godfather would love

b

Who decorated this room – Colonel Mustard in the conservatory with the candlestick?

c

The piece de resistance: a stuffed bird, ironic given they are all competing to win the hand of a bird

d

CREEPY MUCH, SPOTLIGHT?!!

Here’s the form guide:

  • Alex – sophisticated, dapper, this suave ‘eggshell blonde’ would fit in on a Bond film. Is in no shape or form, a ‘bro’
  • Dave – is a plumber, which means sh*t just got real peeps. Seems to have a sense of humour, could be in with a chance
  • Davey – this seaon’s Sandra, a walking trainwreck in a Ron Burgundy suit. He declares the ‘bro code’ upfront, meaning no guy can cut another’s lunch when they are talking to Sam. Then proceeds to break his own code by pulling a Kanye on Kayne as he is trying to do a headstand to impress Sam. During the most awks convo of the night, describes himself as a ‘full blown legend’ whilst letting slip he’s a womaniser. Osher sums it up perfectly:

f

  • David – the man who never asked to be an international model, it just came to him. Real life version of Hansel from Zoolander, he also used to be in the National Boys Choir and was ski team captain at school. Tells Sam he’s there to ‘play the game’ and I would bet money he’s a plant, although a fern would have more personality. In true model eloquence, words other than ‘world’ and ‘peace’ are not his strong suit as tells us he will not be ‘conflictuous’ in the house
  • Drew – the Fabio of the snoring world, shows up with his very own trained owl and Sam confuses him with Harry Potter. Appears he may have more substance than just the waxy stuff in his hair
  • Kayne – in true Kanye showboating style, declares he can do a 20secs handstand, before only lasting 1.7secs. Shows up wearing the tablecloth from Lady & the Tramp:f
  • Kieren – likes selfies, Samsung and has a freshly tossed salad hairdo
  • Michael – professional soccer player, Sam is already letting a few of his goals through to the net
  • Richie – Top 2 finish for sure! The minesite abseilor who likes cool bananas, was starstruck meeting Osher, and is not afraid of a rumble in the house as he’s ‘used to glassings in Perth’. Those glass lanterns better be bolted down!
  • Sasha – also top 2, he set Sam’s heart a flutter with an origami rose. It was no balloon animal, but it was close. Willing to put his body on the line, at one point he dived out a window to speak to Sam
  • Tony the tonester – rocks a good bowtie and as an airline cabin manager (is this a fancy term for steward?!) made sure he knew where all the exits were located. Could be quiet achiever
  • Will – the muso from Rokeby Road with muppet hair who appears to be a few strings short of a cello. Sang a ditty for Sam that would have only rivalled Phoebe’s Smelly Cat song from Friends

The producers are mixing things up, first the roses are lapel pin-ons and then just when we think Hansel and #Devo Davey will go due to all their focus– boom! 2 people who never spoke to camera got booted off!! Luke and Shane are our wooden spooners!

The crazy ramps up tonight!


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