Hometown dates time!
First up is Michael, who takes Sam to the soccer club where he learnt to play. They would perhaps have been better going to his creative writing class where he learnt to describe his career, because the first kick of the ball Sam scores a goal against his goalkeeping. And then another.
Next is dinner at his family’s apartment where we see exactly what Michael will look like in 30 years in the form of his father who keeps subtly hitting on Sam. And would you believe it, first the Sixers, then Sam drops a bombshell that she is a Hawks fan too. She’s a Sponsorship dream come true! She gives Michael several kisses goodbye and I think he might end up scoring one goal after all.
Second up is Alex, who apparently likes to surf – whoda thunkit?! Ironing is not the only board sport he loves. Although we never see him surf, that’s okay as Michael has set a precedent for inventing sporting backgrounds.
Sam thinks it is just the two of them as his family is in England, until Alex drops a bombshell that she frankly can only say in a James Earl Jones voice – “SO, YOU HAVE A SISSSTAAA!”. Yup, big sis has flown over from NZ (where we recently learnt The Betch-ela allows married contestants?!) and she’s not afraid to ask the big questions – “How do you plan to dump my brother?”. BTW if you’re playing a drinking game, Sam’s “thank you very much” count is at about 87.
Then hold onto your zimmer frames ladies – it’s Richieeeeee!! They meet up at Serpentine Falls. Better not dive in Sam, we don’t have water restrictions for nothing – that pool is going to be even more shallow than International Model David. Of course, they pretend the Falls are next door to Kings Park, where Sam has to stop him babbling on about the skyline by laying one on him.
But hold the phone – Richie drops more rungs than Jacob’s Ladder on my list when he invites not only his mother and sister but his ENTIRE WOLF PACK of homeboys to dinner!!! For Osher’s sake Richie, she just booted 10 guys outta her house and now you are singlehandedly making up for the lack of intruders this season. It may be a BBQ but Sam is the one getting grilled! Except by mohawk guy, who is clearly just there for the free chops. At one point Richie even leaves her alone with the wolves, who like half of Perth appear to have never heard of Serpentine Falls let alone been there, so Richie only scores a quick peck goodbye for being such a snake in the grass.
Sasha is the fourth contender and we can immediately tell by the way he rocks an elbow patches jacket that he’s a winner:
He has organised a muso that looks oddly like Will to serenade them in a vineyard to subtly tell Sam he’s in love with her. It’s just a hunch I got from the mysterious lyrics that consisted of “I LOOOOOOOOVE YOU”. The only red flag moment is when Sash thanks the muso by saying “see you next time” – ummm, do you just have this guy on call every weekend? How often do you serenade girls in this vineyard?! Sasha also tells us his mother has “been there from Day 1” so evidently he’s read all those Where Did I Come From? books.
The day finishes with family dinner where once again Sam is asked such though provoking questions as “Are you over that loser who broke your heart on national TV last year Sam? WELL, ARE YOU?!”
After the 125th “thank you very much” it’s back to Sydney where Sam has to break it to Alex that his merger and acquisition attempt has been blocked.
Now it’s the Final 3!