The Bachelorette S1 Ep#9 – Hold onto your cool bananas

Ch10 have gone all out with this opener – Sam dragging a stick through wet sand. Is this meant to symbolise what a drag it is having a harem to shepard?

Sam decides Sash deserves to go on a lovely date doing the epitome of the thing he hates most in the world – heights & skydiving. She appears to have mistaken this for World’s Greatest Phobias, that random new show where they try to get people to overcome their fear of birds by letting them loose in a field full of gobbling turkeys trying to peck their eyes out (I’m not even making that up).

Sam keeps commenting on how pale and scared Sash looks. BECAUSE YOU ARE TOTURING THE POOR GUY SAM. Is it not enough he jumped off a cliff for you?! Apparently jumping out of a plane together proves that they can conquer normal life dilemmas… you know like equally challenging day to day dramas such as who is going to do the dishes or to wash the smalls … #goodluckwiththat. Of course Sash is never going to resort to using WELL YOU MADE ME JUMP OUT OF A PLANE to win every future argument.

Sash looks unconscious as the instructor drags him into the tandem jump:

Things I do for Osher

But in a classic twist of fate, it is Sam who collapses after the jump and has to be treated by both the Dr and Sash.

Spotlight have also made the jump and packed their full lantern and throw rug set. Sam then weirdly admits it freaks her out that Sash has a successful business. I should have known by the elbow patches on his jacket that this was a man of means! BTW even after seeing Sam onscreen for 2 seasons I still have no idea what her career is other than getting to pash men on TV? In one of my fave Sash quotes he says his guard is down with only a skeletal crew manning his walls. Guys, take note, this is how you talk about “feelings”.

Break open a cool banana – it’s Richie time! Being a WA lad, he’s never seen snow before so Sam whisks him off to the slopes for a bit of off piste action. And Hallelujah – we have a chopper ride at last!

Smurf hat under headphones – safe to say he has no idea what Sam is saying 

They arrive at Falls Creek where snow newbie Richies clearly raids the lost property box for his snow gear:


It ain’t easy being green

At their après ski dinner, sadly the fireplace is the only one with sparks. Richie has retreated into a bumbling banana incapable of articulating anything beyond the vocab of a 11yo. The writing is now on his walls! (BTW ‘walls’ count update at 57).

Finally it’s Michael, the man who has never learnt how to do his shirts all the way up to the top. They start the day watching whales frolicking in their natural environment…then finish it with dinner in a tank full of trapped marine animals forced to swim in circles all day. Cruel irony, Ch10?! Also Spotlight have recycled the Lumiere candelabra from The Bachelor finale:

He starts gushing about Sam and she cuts him off with a toast (thankfully, as every time he speaks it makes my skin crawl – the guy is smoother than Alex’s head). Sam asks about how she would fit into his footy career and we laugh as deflects by saying he’s “already achieved what he wants to in that”…. ie not much… and she wouldn’t have to worry about fitting into it as it’s non-existent. Sound guys have woken up after nodding off during Michaels’s rambling to cue the telltale kiss music #soundguysforLogie.

The most action we see in this ep is the ad where Commando tells Shannon he wants to take it outside #rumble!!

Back to the mansion and Sash has made all our dreams come true by wearing a red velvet jacket:

Richie’s cool banana gets shown the door. Which is fine by me, as that means the women of Perth (ie. me) now have a chance to access his rope.

Tonight – Will she make the smart choice or the smarmy one?!!