Charisse Nicolle

1 – We’re baaaaaaaack – let the cray cray commence!

2 – OMG I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since last season. So much has changed for all of us but the one constant we have is our LOVE OF THE GAME.

3 – Motorbike riding. Less ocean. Mixing it up this year!

4 – Obligatory putting on a watch moment. Okay, not mixing it up this year.

5 – I feel like Richie has an “accessible” amount of abs.

6 – “Tuscan villa” aka “Sydney rental prices went up 375% and we couldn’t afford the 2 storey place this year” aka “Spotlight wants to promote it’s new Italy at Home deco range”.

7 – Who has a pool at the front of their house / driveway? Is this to disguise the fact it’s no longer ‘waterfront’? You ain’t fooling us Mr Ginsberg.

8 – Background video for Megan. I feel like roller skates would have gone better with her outfit.

9 – She also does free diving. Okay she could have this in the bag.

10 – Until she said “West Australia”. Missing the “ern” there, love. You couldn’t have sounded less West Aussie than if you had said ‘darby’.

11 – Noni Bacon aka Noni B! Love it.

12 – It would appear it is possible to own too many sari type patterns #powerclashing:

13 – Yoga lady aaaaaaand boom we’ve already achieved maximum Perfect Italiano 4 Cheese Melt my friends!!! A new time record!! Yoga! Sunset! Ocean spray!!

14 – Hang on, how can that be sunset over the ocean when she’s from east coast? Okay – sunrise then.

15 – OMG. Shut the front gate. Hold the Door. This year there is an ACTUAL unicorn. And I don’t mean the crazy/hot kind. Meet Janey. 

16 – Did she just say she loves ‘clouds’?

17 – She does ballet in a tutu because of course she does.

18 – Georgia is an artiste` and a marshmallow.

19 – Technically, aren’t we all soft on the inside?

20 – Osher is giving new meaning to the “undercut with cow lick” hairdo.

21 – Good to know Richie thinks this Richie and last year’s Richie “have a lot of similarities”. Because they are indeed, the one person.

22 – Is his bowtie purple? Must be a Freo man. Crush level at maximum now.

23 – “My palms are sweaty” – ohhhhh I so wanted him to bust out the Eminem line #mumssphaghetti #missedhischance

24 – One ad break in and no mention of trendy fruit yet by Richie. I need a cool bananas!!

25 – Hang on, I’m distracted by this ad for a DYSON HAIRDRYER. 

26 – Seriously, I need this hairdryer. This is the same people who brought you the hand blade dryer which terrified us the first time we saw it in a nightclub bathroom because frankly it does looks like a hand guillotine. But this looks just like one of those round Dyson fan thingys!!

27 – Nikki says she’s from a small town 100kms east of Perth. That places it almost halfway to Merredin aka Heart of the Wheatbelt. My money is on Northam.

28 – She’s top 5 for sure.

29 – Megan again. Possible this year’s crazy/hot unicorn.

30 – Early signs are the full wardrobe budget has gone on earrings this year.

31 – She’s a Gero girl!!! And he knows what that means *wink wink nudge nudge* haha 😝

32 – Oh dear it’s the Disney obsessive unicorn again. Just quietly what is with the 2 tone hair?

33 – Even more just quietly, I would like someone to buy me a bouncy castle.

34 – Is it just me or does that “lost shoe” look like a sparkly stripper heel?

35 – Janey clearly still believes in the Tooth Fairy et al.

36 – The obligatory “Tiffany” quota filler is from Perth! This show is #soperth

37 – Eliza wants to find her penguin?! Does he look like this:

38 – OMG she actually thinks this is Happy Feet. Stop singing, Eliza.

39 – Stop it now.

40 – Honestly how many verses will you put us through?

41 – Twerk and booty slap. We’re back for Bach 2016 people.

42 – Alex has written a poem. But does it rhyme?! #willitfloat

43 – No, it’s like train wreck Haiku.

44 – We’re now seeing a montage parade of filler girls. None of these will make the top 10.

45 – Oh there’s my sweep pick – Tolyna Ontop

46 – Who it turns out is not actually Russian. Devo.

47 – Saxophone slapper music. Lara Bingle is here and she’s trying to bring chokers back.

48 – Reminds me, surprisingly no one has worn a flower crown yet. #friendsdontletfriendswearflowercrowns

49 – Someone is wearing Bjork’s swan dress! Almost. Wait a minuteeeeeee – comrades, we actually DO have a Russian – and she’s brought her own Babushka doll!! Wonder if she ‘roided up for the event like her athletic counterparts.

50 – Faith could sell products on morning television. Magic mops for sure.

51 – Noni B the Bacon gal is here!

52 – Has anyone actually ever “walked in on their hands” whilst wearing a gown? Now that would show Australia a whole new side to yourself…

53 – Strewth, blimey, @#$% she’s a potty mouth!

54 – Olena Humpalot is giving Lara (remember her? #2 last year?) a run for the money in the googly eyes stakes. Also I’m not sure she accessorises quite enough:

55 – Someone just said “oh wow another girl” as though what, she was expecting some guys were going to rock up? That would certainly through a couple of beans and franks amongst the cool bananas.

56 – Ooh they decided to make the white rose actually mean something this year instead of “immunity” in a competition where Richie chooses when you leave anyway… 

57 – This year it’s looks to be all about keeping your hedges trimmed ladies with some fairy light accents, especially in those dental floss gowns:

58 – Shake ‘n bacon is straight in there!!

59 – Nikki is lovely but her dress reminds me of a sparkly version of dried mud after a drought:

60 – Northam, I knew it!! My navigation skills beat Apple Maps.

61 – Wait, she’s always lived in Northam?! Oh sweetheart, I know they just got a Macca’s but that hardly makes it cosmopolitan. 

62 – WA country chicks really are the salt of the earth. Possibly biased statement.

63 – 83% of these dresses look really, really uncomfortable.

64 – And that the wardrobe dept is singlehandedly responsible for causing a global glitter shortage crisis.

64 – Alex is looking a bit too intense too soon. Stand down galfrieennnd.

65 – Oooooh what a cliffhanger moment to cut in! I’m sensing producers afoot #UnReal

66 – Georgia the artiste` is this year’s talk to camera narrator.

67 – Bingle, “where they bloody hell are ya” amongst all those fairy lights?

68 – Also that is possibly the tackiest water fountain statue I’ve ever seen. Putting a poor man’s version of the Statue of David in a bird bath does not a “Tuscan Villa” make, Spotlight.

69 – Eliza just impersonated a bird, a dolphin and a sugar glider. This year’s cuckoo clock.

70 – When they said ‘let’s do a plank off’ I thought they meant shoving all those candles off the table and lying like a plank. Aka 2012. I’m disappointed this is somehow “fitness related”. Kids of today.

71 – It doesn’t actually look that hard?!

72 – YESSSSS you “nailed” that “plank” – Richie’s sense of humor is BACK !!!

73 – Tiff scores the first rose. Question, where does her microphone pack fit in that dress?

74 – Is my sweep person even there or has she wandered next door?

74 – Ad break. WTF – IT’S CENSUS YEAR?! IN 2 WEEKS?!! With all the recent SW hype I reckon this could finally be the year enough people write “Jedi” for ABS to have to declare it an official thing.

75 – Did Megan just say it’s not very “organic” of her to dress up? I suppose it’s just like skiing doesn’t come organically to me 😂😂😂 She’s clearly been eating a bit too much of the ol’ kale. (Is it weird though that I immediately thought of SEO marketing?)

76 – She’s talking about Gero and I like her even more.

77 – Back off Olena Humpalot! It’s Megan’s rose time.

78 – I am starting to think it’s an insult to Lara Bingle to call this Keira girl Bingle. She out-Bingles Bingle on the slapper scale!

79 – Alex gets the white rose. Aww, Richie. He’s remembering how awesome Schnitty Cent turned out last year. 

80 – Except I feel like she’s going to fall too hard too fast too furious.

81 – Apparently this cocktail party takes 3 nights to film so I can’t imagine how boring it does actually get.

82 – Osher, doing his bit for local “clearly now on the outskirts of Sydney” real estate by once again telling us it’s a “beautiful Tuscan Villa” aka “can’t afford the waterfront mansion so we put a bird bath in the backyard”.

83 – The rose algebra is quite complex tonight.

84 – Vienetta, everyone’s favorite icecream log, chooses her own just desserts and up and leaves. My money says she was a plant. Possibly a bogan-villia.

85 – Mount Eliza said cray cray – drinking game bingo!

86 – They don’t have dramatic staircases in Tuscany so the rose ceremony has to take place awkwardly lined up against some lead light doors. Less “Tuscan mansion” more “80s The Bold and The Beautiful set”

87 – Aimee, who wore blue eyeshadow to match the 80s set, is gone-ski. And Natalie who we never even knew was there. Tolyna Ontop and Olena Humpalot stay on though which frankly gives me a Quantum of Solace … BOOM! 👏😉😂