1 – No joke, apparently the guy in charge of testing the Census website at ABS is called… John Citizen. Talk about being born to do a job! But I digress. Imagine Census night in a harem.
2 – Hilarious – Georgia actually thinks she will be picked for a single date. Has she not seen the colour of her own hair?! The 4 Non Blondes days are numbered…sing it with me Saying heyyyy yeah yeah, What’s going on?
3 – Noni B and Special K manage to out-dramatic the Dramatic Squirrel with their completely unrehearsed looks of shock:
Vs
UNCANNY.
4 – It appears most of the girls have ripped down some of the 50s harem wallpaper and gotten out the ol’ Janome to whip up their outfits:
5 – Apparently none of these women have ever seen a man run before. Who needs the torch to light the fake Olympic cauldron – Alex looks about to combust at the mere sight of him.
6 – This fake event is already more exciting than the real dressage. (Sorry Heather haha :P)
7 – Now they appear to have gotten their outfits out of Barbie’s exercise locker. Every shade of pastel colours + abs.
8 – OMG they literally have turned this into the Hunger Games … But without the skill of Katniss.
9 – Bingle is now trying to bring back the head choker:
10 – YESSSSSSS BUBBLE SOCCER IS BACK!!!!!!!!
11 – Oh, no actually they are just going to roll them in a straight line.
12 – THIS IS ABOUT TO BECOME AN INTERNET MEME:
13 – Bingle cops a zorb ball bingle.
14 – Kangaroo suits? There is officially no end to this degree of humilation. I’m with Bingle on this one – seriously WTF people.
15 – “No boxing, no clawing, no fighting” – umm have they ever SEEN how kangaroos actually fight?! A BOXING one is our sporting emblem for Pete’s sake.
16 – Fun 80s fact: Russia is dressed like Rainbow Sprite.
17 – Bingle goes downnnnnn and she is NOT happy, Jan.
18 – Seriously who dressed these girls today, Jem & the Holograms?!
19 – BTW Osher has some fresh salad #legoundercut
20 – You see that? Spotlight swung by with some ye olde Olympic lanterns!
21 – Anyone else feel like busting out some George Michael? Cos you gotta have faith-a-faith-a-faith…
22 – Good job calling him out on the fake baby date concept.
23 – She is so effervescent she could cure indigestion.
24 – OMG he is wearing his denim shirt again hahahaha !
25 – Goodness gracious, this man is racking up the pashes!
26 – Do you think Special K uses Kylie Jenner’s lip plumper?
27 – OMG they are wearing MATCHING FLANNEL.
28 – Richie has never dated a model before. Clearly he has a box to tick.
29 – Unlike all of us on Census night, he may get to tick a box.
30 – Nothing screams romance like a #nodoors chopper over reams of barbed wire:
31 – Now Kiki is in a DENIM SHIRT!!!
32 – Dotti just needs to bring out a line of denim chokers this summer and call it Romance by Richie.
33 – Hang about, did Bingle just call Special K a bogan?! Pot kettle black, much?
34 – Spotlight have figured out how to hang a chandelier from a tree! Maximum Decorator Level ACHIEVED.
35 – “To an excellent adventure” – which one is Bill and which is Ted?
36 – Also that is clearly a sign she’s not going to get picked.
37 – In that water setting I can practically hear Sebastian the Crab singing sha-la-la-la-la-la don’t stop now, go on and KISS THA GIRL. Oh come on, he’s kissed everyone else. Special K Mendes should be insulted.
38 – Denim Shirt Disease is spreading.
39 – I would never have thought of Special K as being a serious person. Turns out she’s actually pretty cool ‘n smart ‘n stuff ie. WHY IS SHE ON THIS SHOW?!
40 – Alex’s whingey whiny Stage 83 Clinger act is really starting to grind my gears. HE’S NOT GOING TO PICK YOU. BRACE YOURSELF NOW.
41 – Bingle rocking the jumpsuit and I also note she appears to have swapped chokers for a necklace made from the teeth of her past takedowns.
42 – I too feel like I am going to throw up in my mouth.
43 – Oh man. Just like every other guy, Richie can’t see the slag for the trees.
44 – This music is more threatening than The Rains of Castamere !!! RED WEDDING SHIZZLE IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN!!
45 – Goth Georgia’s maniacal laughter is EVERYTHING.
46 – FFS ALEX!!! Now you’re actually crying about being in a harem. There are 11 of you and 1 of him. Do the maths!!
47 – To quote our favourite Optus spokesperson Josh Thomas – YAAAAS – NEXT WEEK SOMEONE WALKS OUT!!!
48 – It’s not a journey Osher. Maybe Idol was, but this is just a one way path to humiliation.
49 – I see Northam Nikki left the other half of her dress back in the Wheatbelt.
50 – Side note – do you think in a shock twist that whoever finds the matching half of Nikki’s dresses will turn out to be her Prince Charming?
51 – How did Georgia get through without bleaching her hair?!!
52 – He’s still bringin’ home the Bacon.
53 – Russia is looking very dignified – pick her or not, zhe doez not care!
54 – And yep, Russia is disqualified. And she is ALL CLASS about it!
55 – 1 of the intruders is a brunette – she’s toast.
56 – Hold onto your denim chokers – next week’s flower crown and feather duster earring choices are NEXT LEVEL!
57 – OMG – the Dressage is LITERALLY on Ch72 RIGHT NOW HAHA!!!
Charisse Nicolle 