Once upon a rose ceremony, I used to pen a blog to accompany our office sweepstake for The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. And remember, this is for posterity…

Bachelor S3 Finale – Snow White and the Burger Ring King
Okay peeps, let’s wrap this baby up! Spoiler alert: He chooses the Schnitzel Parmigiana with side salad Eve! Osher, has taken his new burgundy obsession too far and appears to be wearing a jacket made entirely of felt, that just makes me want to pin my To Do List on him: We then interrupt Sam … More Bachelor S3 Finale – Snow White and the Burger Ring King

Bachelor S3 Ep#15 – All the tea in china cups cannot save this date
Sam starts off at the beach picking up a towel that looks exactly like one of those kid’s animal ones with the hood – and for one glorious moment I think he’s taken his kids coaching work too seriously and he’ll end up with a jersey cow over his head. Then I realise no it’s … More Bachelor S3 Ep#15 – All the tea in china cups cannot save this date

Bachelor S3 Ep#14 – More bloodbath than a Lannister shindig
Finally, we have the obligatory shot of The Bachelor shaving whilst shirtless in front of the mirror – this signals we have reached the pointy end of the series, hometown dates! But I am confused by the strange way Sam is putting on aftershave like it’s perfume … the whole rubbing your wrists together is … More Bachelor S3 Ep#14 – More bloodbath than a Lannister shindig

Bachelor S3 Ep#13 – Start man-spreading the news
Osher arrives in his best cowboy shirt and Ken doll hair to tell us we have reached the Top 5! And that Sam is shipping them all off to a beachside mansion for the weekend. It’s torrential rain but never fear, Heather has packed her trusty waterproof raccoon thrift shop hat. Luckily Spotlight and Dusk … More Bachelor S3 Ep#13 – Start man-spreading the news

Bachelor S3 Ep#12 – For art’s sake
After coming to the harsh realisation that he doesn’t get to keep his whole harem, Sam tries to hurriedly flee in a kayak. Clearly the shark nets catch him and drag him back as it’s on with the show! This group date is an art challenge. The girls have to create Sam in both clay … More Bachelor S3 Ep#12 – For art’s sake

Bachelor S3 Ep#11 – It’s a balls up
We start by learning the girls are missing Eh-bro, basically because she used to do all the cooking and loved to start her day by chowing down on bananas. For the group date Sam gets to showcase what he does for a living – kids sports. (Personally I’m feeling cheated that past Bachelors never got … More Bachelor S3 Ep#11 – It’s a balls up

Bachelor S3 Ep#10 – It’s prawn crackers at dawn
Osher starts us off by revealing his role as host on The Bachelor is basically the prac component of his anthropology doctorate. Something to do with how blind dates should actually involve blindfolds: This show is becoming more 50 Shades by the week! For group date they all get locked in a room together to … More Bachelor S3 Ep#10 – It’s prawn crackers at dawn

Bachelor S3 Ep#9 – Two intruders but there’s a hole in one
We open with a Frenchman who sounds exactly like Pepe le Pew telling us if he overseasons he will be in big trouble with zee judges – wait! Sacre bleu, I am on the wrong channel! Forget this Hotplate nonsense, let’s cut to the mansion. Heather is predicts the next date will involve rockets, monkeys … More Bachelor S3 Ep#9 – Two intruders but there’s a hole in one
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